


I know that you don't want me here

by masscreativity



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Depression, Gen, Homestuck - Freeform, Isolation, Jane Crocker - Freeform, Post-Game, Post-Sburb, Roxy Lalonde - Freeform, Sadstuck, dirk strider - Freeform, jake english - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-14
Updated: 2017-07-14
Packaged: 2018-12-01 22:05:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11495673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/masscreativity/pseuds/masscreativity
Summary: An AU where Jane doesn't do anything after the game ends and her friends leave her behind. The title is a reference to 6/10 by dodie (which you should listen to if you haven't). Trigger warning for mild suicidal thoughts just general upset.





	I know that you don't want me here

**Author's Note:**

> Make sure you read the time stamps, I put them there to make a point

**GG: Hey Roxy! It's been a while since we last talked. How has life been treating you?** 7/4/17 at 2:12pm

. . . . .

**GG: Hello! Sorry to bother you again. I think we should get together sometime and catch up! By the way, how is Calliope?** 7/12/17 at 1:15pm

. . . . .

**GG: It's me again :B ! I just thought I'd check in and see how you've been doing!** 8/10/17 at 3:32pm

**TG: hey babe !! im SO sorry for blowing you off so much** 8/10/17 at 9:47pm

**TG: just been real busy runnin around yknow** 8/10/17 at 9:47pm

**GG: It's ok! No need for apologies! So, how have you been?** 8/10/17 at 9:47pm

**GG: We should totally get together for coffee sometime and catch up!** 8/10/17 at 9:47pm

**TG: oh yeah that would be great lets do it !!!** 8/10/17 at 11:25pm

**GG: Oh yay! When are you free?** 8/10/17 at 11:25pm 

. . . . .

**GG: Howdy, Dirk! How are you doing? Sorry to message you so late :B**  8/11/17 at 12:06am

**TT: I'm doing fine, you?** 8/11/17 at 12:43am

**GG: Well I'm doing splendidly now that we're talking! What are you doing up so late?** 8/11/17 at 12:43am

**TT: I'm working on a new project.** 8/11/17 at 1:20am

**GG: I really should have guessed that, hoo hoo. I guess _I_ am also up, so I've got no room to talk. What are you working on?** 8/11/17 at 1:20am 

**TT: Just another bot.** 8/11/17 at 1:56am

**GG: That's always cool! Did you do anything interesting today?**  8/11/17 at 1:56am

**GG: Well, I hope you had a good day, I have to go to bed now. Hopefully we'll talk again soon!** 8/11/17 at 4:36am

 

     Jane lays back in her bed, sighing softly as she plugs her phone in and sets it on her night stand. Another night staying up waiting for a reply that never came (assuming Roxy isn't going to reply with a date and time to meet at five in the morning). Was Dirk really distracted with his work or did he just not want to talk to her? She pulls her blanket up and scrunches her eyes shut, trying to block out the inevitable truth. Her friends all have significant others, and hobbies, and, well... lives. Luckily, since Jane was already up so late, it's not too hard for her to get to sleep tonight. 

     There's a buzz from Jane's light stand, and she wakes with a start. _Roxy still goes out and parties 'till the wee hours? I hope she's okay,_ is her first thought. She stumbles excitedly as she tries to put her glasses on, and when she's successful, she grabs her phone and unlocks it.

**_Charged to 100%. Unplug to save energy._ **

_. . . . ._

     Jane sits quietly on her couch, completely zonked out. Cooking Channel is on, which Jane always liked the best, but the picture barely penetrates her glossed-over eyes. She feels like she's stuffed full of cotton, keeping her from breathing deeply, and keeping her from feeling anything. She mindlessly reaches for the full bag of chips amongst the empty snack carcasses that litter her floor. Her small, chubby hands grab a handful of chips and stuff them in her mouth, almost without her brain telling it to. 

     There's a knocking sound on the television. Jane reaches for more chips.

     Wait. The knocking sound is coming from... the front door? Jane sits up groggily, wiping the salt and grease from her hands on her blanket. There it goes again, and yes, it's most definitely coming from her door. She reluctantly hauls herself off the couch. She knows by now not to get her hopes up when there's a knock on the door. It's probably just a local who needs her help with something. Jane opens the door quietly, eyes sleepy as she looks out the door for whatever it is that's bothering her. 

     It's...Jake.

     It's Jake! 

     Jane doesn't even know what to say. It feels like the cotton in her stomach is keeping her from making any words. When was the last time she had an actual real life _conversation?_ Jake is just _staring_ at her, too. She can tell he's uneasy, and maybe a bit concerned. Jake has always been an open book, so she's glad at least one thing hasn't changed. 

     "Ahoy, Jane..! How is, uhm... How is everything?" He's not looking at her anymore. He's looking around behind her. She realizes he's probably never seen her house such a mess. She tries to say something, but... nothing comes out. She feels scared and pressured and nauseated and maybe just a little numb, and she doesn't know what to do.

     "Wow, you've really been going to town on the processed goods lately, haven't you?" He chuckles awkwardly. "A-Anyways. I was wondering if you still have that jacket I lent you way back when?"

     She furrows her brows for a moment, staring up at him. "A jacket? Y-yeah, I probably have it. I wouldn't have thrown it out or anything. Would you like to come in?" She lets the initial crash of knowing that he isn't here to see her settle and tries to get him to see her anyways.

     "Actually, I'm in a little bit of a hurry," he gestures to a running car on the street behind him. Sitting in the drivers seat is... Dirk? He didn't even want to come in? 

     "Oh, that's okay. Yeah, that's no problem at all. Let me just, uhh--," She turns around, looking around frantically. "I'll be right back!" She says, as she runs back to her bedroom. Her room is absolutely _trashed,_ clothes and trash and mess and mess and MESS EVERYWHERE, which she never really noticed until now because she's never had a Jake in her house since her house has been like this. Unbeknownst to her, she starts to cry as she's looking. She _knows_ she won't find his shirt, but she can't let him down, especially with how much he probably hates her already. _Oh my God, where the hell is the jacket? Jake needs this jac--_ Her thinking is cut off by a yell from the foyer. "Sorry, Jane, I'm just gonna go, thanks anyways!"

     Jane is just about to yell back to him and tell him that _it's okay, he can stay longer, she'll find it in just a moment,_ but she can't even see him leaving because her eyes are full of tears and the next thing she knows, she's laying face down on her dirty bedroom floor, weeping desperately, without sound. _When would the next time she saw one of her friends be? Would it even be appropriate to call them that now?_

_If I knew it would be like this_... She clutches at her stomach, she can already feel the sodium and sugar overload coming up in her throat. 

  _I would have died heroically when I had the chance._

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This was mostly written for me so I'm sorry if it isn't that good. I haven't read homestuck since it ended so the characterization might be iffy. Anyways if it isn't obvious already this is a vent haha


End file.
